Careful Now, You'll Hurt Yourself.
Posted by Brandon Lagao | Posted in Getting To Know B, Just Thinking...That's All. | Posted on 9/30/2009 05:38:00 PM
This morning I was outside stretching and I smashed an ant with my index finger. Actually what really happened was that while I was stretching, I noticed this ant crawling towards me and so I decided to push it away from me, rather then let it crawl on me. I then noticed it was squirming around and struggling. I think I may have smashed its head or something but I decided to just end its pain swiftly rather then just watch it die, and so with one poke it's life ended. This actually made me feel a little sad. I started to envision its wifey ant back at the farm, caring for their hundreds of baby ants. And I messed all that up. Ridiculous I know, but true.
Then while I sat there stretching, I started to think back to one day when I was in elementary school. I'm not sure what grade exactly, but I know I was at least in 2nd grade. Back then I lived a block or so from my school and I would ride my Huffy to and from. One fateful day, I was speeding back home after school and when I was about halfway, I heard a *crunch* and a *chirp*. I jumped off my bike and saw that I ran over a baby birdy. I remember crying about it and feeling such an empty feeling inside. To this day I can still vividly see the setting and hear the sounds. When I tell this story to friends, I joke that I was traumatized by this moment, but secretly I really feel that way. I could go off on a tangent about death, but that would be straying from the point of this blog.
What I'm wondering is, why am I so damn sensitive? Last night I was keeping myself busy by googling random stuff. At one point I came across Zodiac signs and my sign in particular: Scorpio. I read this: http://www.astrology-online.com/scorpio.htm and have to admit was a little intrigued. As a Christian I don't believe in that stuff nor would I ever imagine that people's character is based off of the time frame of when we were born. But I couldn't help but to notice that as I kept reading the traits of a Scorpio, I started to see a lot of those same traits in me. Most of the traits I read, that I also see in myself, are things that I am proud of and glad to possess. But there were a couple that I wish weren't true: Jealous & overly sensitive (emotional). My jealousy is a whole other post, so i'll stick to just talking about my issues with sensitivity.
As I sat there on the concrete, with ant remnants on my finger and hurt in my heart, all of these thoughts came rushing into my brain. And I tried to think, is this a good thing or bad? I mean, I like that I can be sensitive to someone else's feelings. But I really hate that I allow myself to be hurt by the smallest things. Is this normal for a guy? Is this normal for anyone? Can I ever be in another meaningful relationship if I don't harden up? I have no answers really. But in the end, I love who I am and would never trade it all in to be somebody else. I try every day to work on the things that need to be changed in my life, and I feel like there is a healthy daily growth. At least I'm thinking about stuff like this right? Or wait, is that not normal either? (Feedback appreciated)
...I really need to stop listening to Copeland when I blog, haha.
Then while I sat there stretching, I started to think back to one day when I was in elementary school. I'm not sure what grade exactly, but I know I was at least in 2nd grade. Back then I lived a block or so from my school and I would ride my Huffy to and from. One fateful day, I was speeding back home after school and when I was about halfway, I heard a *crunch* and a *chirp*. I jumped off my bike and saw that I ran over a baby birdy. I remember crying about it and feeling such an empty feeling inside. To this day I can still vividly see the setting and hear the sounds. When I tell this story to friends, I joke that I was traumatized by this moment, but secretly I really feel that way. I could go off on a tangent about death, but that would be straying from the point of this blog.
What I'm wondering is, why am I so damn sensitive? Last night I was keeping myself busy by googling random stuff. At one point I came across Zodiac signs and my sign in particular: Scorpio. I read this: http://www.astrology-online.com/scorpio.htm and have to admit was a little intrigued. As a Christian I don't believe in that stuff nor would I ever imagine that people's character is based off of the time frame of when we were born. But I couldn't help but to notice that as I kept reading the traits of a Scorpio, I started to see a lot of those same traits in me. Most of the traits I read, that I also see in myself, are things that I am proud of and glad to possess. But there were a couple that I wish weren't true: Jealous & overly sensitive (emotional). My jealousy is a whole other post, so i'll stick to just talking about my issues with sensitivity.
As I sat there on the concrete, with ant remnants on my finger and hurt in my heart, all of these thoughts came rushing into my brain. And I tried to think, is this a good thing or bad? I mean, I like that I can be sensitive to someone else's feelings. But I really hate that I allow myself to be hurt by the smallest things. Is this normal for a guy? Is this normal for anyone? Can I ever be in another meaningful relationship if I don't harden up? I have no answers really. But in the end, I love who I am and would never trade it all in to be somebody else. I try every day to work on the things that need to be changed in my life, and I feel like there is a healthy daily growth. At least I'm thinking about stuff like this right? Or wait, is that not normal either? (Feedback appreciated)
...I really need to stop listening to Copeland when I blog, haha.
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